Am i A Horrible Mother?

This question has been tugging at my mind all day. “Am I a horrible mother?"

Am I the only mom who thinks she would no longer see her child again when he or she is sick?

Am I the only mother who gets scared that it would be the last time she hugs him, pat his head, hold him?

I have been thinking about this a lot, wondering if there is something wrong with me.

When my baby suddenly got sick so much that his temperature won't stay down and I had to rush him to the emergency room. I was so terrified that I thought my heart would give out from so much fear.

One minute he was playing about, the next he was so hot as if he was fresh out of the microwave. I couldn't get his temperature down no matter what I did.

As I sit by his bedside waiting for him to open his eyes, my mind started playing the events that preceded his sickness. Then I found all the ways I was responsible for it.

If I had been a good mom I would have known it was not just cold that was wrong with him two weeks before. I would have noticed he was sick and taken him to the hospital before it got out of hands.

He had stopped eating less than he used to, I noticed that and tried introducing some other stuff.

I didn't love him enough, didn't hold him enough or pamper him as I should.

I hadn't been a good mom to him, not there for him as I should, I was not attentive, too much into myself- and the list goes on and on.

While waiting, I started going through his pictures on my phone wondering if I would ever take more? Telling myself I should have taken more, I should have given him more attention, devoted my time to him, check him more often, laugh with him, play, hug him more...

I should have, I could have, I would have, there are and were so many things I could have done to prevent him from falling sick so suddenly.

I kept beating myself up over all the things I overlooked and my shortcomings as a mom.

Then I looked around the ward when I was done tormenting myself. Although that didn't happen till the following day when my baby finally opened his eyes.

So, I saw all the babies, toddlers, children who were sick with different things. There are those who had been there for days.

I saw a boy who fell off a bike, a toddler who had been stooling and now so weak he couldn't move. Then I asked myself if all these mothers were the reason their kids are on sick beds now?

That was when I realised how wrong I was.

The truth is there are times when we couldn't have done anything no matter how perfect or experienced we are.

Because there is no handbook for caring for a child, and what works for one mom doesn't necessarily have to work for you. Neither does what works for a child has to work for the next or any other child.

And the only thing we can do right then is there for our child and be calm because we can only give them our best when we are at our best.

So, give your child the best you can, love, care and be there for them. Pay attention to them so that you know when something is not right.

Do not bring your spirit lower when things go wrong or they fall sick by believing it was something you did or didn't do. Rather see it as a way, getting more experience, of knowing them more, growing because as a child grows, so does the mom.

Have you ever felt like a horrible mother? I would like to know how it made you feel and how you got over it.

Leave your response in the comment section.