Embracing the Beauty and Throes of Motherhood

Embracing the Beauty and Throes of Motherhood

One cannot embrace the beauty of motherhood without its throes. Motherhood is beautiful. Becoming a mother is divine and wonderful. It is the best thing that could ever happen to any woman. For me, it is the most beautiful and the best thing in my life.

I had my son in April, also my birth month. I loved April, it's the beginning of the coolest month in the year, until it became chilly. I had an automobile accident in April 11 a day to my birthday. Six years later, I had my first baby in April, 11 days after my birthday which I celebrated on hospital bed. Again.

For four years, I dreaded April. I'd spend every hour of the month anticipating, wondering, imagining where it would come from. The form it would take, what part of my body would be taken or mauled or burnt. I got over it before the mid of the fifth year. Or I got tired of torturing myself, agonising over something that would or might never happen.

When I found I was pregnant, the first thing I did was to calculate my baby's birth month. I was ecstatic when the scan confirmed it for late May. I even hoped for June. I wanted him to be as far away from April as possible. Then I slipped and fell in the bathroom at 35th week, the first week of April! Again!

Someone somewhere must be having fun playing some sick joke on me was my thought.

I landed on my residual limb, then on my butt. I felt a jolt of hot sensation shooting from my bum then settled at the base of my skull. I wanted to scream but it stuck in my throat. From there on, the bout of perspiration, tremor, and chills started again. I felt the left side of my head going cold steadily, then numb. I knew it, I could never have anything to call mine.

The contraction started and kept coming. I was taking to the emergency room where I was giving drugs and injection to ripen the baby's lung, to steady my BP and for pain. I couldn't stay in the hospital for long, too restless to remain on bed rest. I came back home l. A week later, health workers embarked on indefinite strike.

I had the contraction off and on and a killer back pain for two weeks. I wanted my baby to remain inside for as long as I could endure, I wanted him to be healthy, healthier than me. My anxiety doubled, for me, for my baby. However, he doesn't share my worries or fear, neither did God. He wanted to be born in April, my miracle baby. His arrival dissolved my worries and fear. Although sometimes they still sneak in every now and then, I'm teaching myself to enjoy the moment. And with that, I have come to realise that God brought him in April not to fuel my anxiety but to ease them by giving me the chance to experience the joy of Motherhood.

As I nurture him, I heal too. He is the best gift I could ever wish for, he brought me something better to celebrate in April other than my ampuversary 🙂 I'm enjoying the beauty of the joy of motherhood in place of my excessive fear of the unknowns. God gave me another birthday. Still in April, but it's beautiful.

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